What a Weekend!

Well, I had an excellent, but exhausting weekend. My parents came through town and I spent Saturday with them, out and about in the 95+ degree heat. The highlight being a nice lunch at our favorite Thai restaurant which my wife's parents were abole to join us. My folks had never eaten Thai food, (but love chinese food, which I turned them on to over 20 years ago) so it was a pleasant adventure for them! The only real problem was IF the joint had air conditioning, we couldn't much tell. It was a little like sitting in the car to eat, only you were in the shade and it was 95 outside. As long as we sat perfectly still, and thought cool thoughts, we could maintain just a thin layer of sweat over your entire body. We asked the woman waiting on us to check the thermostat, but we weren't sure where that got us . . . I was motioning "turn it to the left!" JEEZ . . . Other than that it was a nice weekend, and great to see my folks. (It had been over two years) Being out and about both days of a weekend in all that heat really took it out of us . . . I wish we had another day off to recover!

The Things People Do To Me . . .

Man, sometimes I KNOW the world is ganging up on me to make me crazy . . .

Just this past week, I got an email from my sister that contained nothing but pictures of scantilly clad men in various "seductive" poses . . . What the fuck was that? This MY OWN SISTER! Is she trying to tell me something? Not only have I been married almost eight years, but last I checked I was still an "exit only" kind of guy (if you know what I mean) . . . Holy crap!

Of course I got a good laugh out of it, and responded with humor, saying, "YUMMY! Nothing I like better than an email full of some gay man titties and ass!" which got my sisters and wife (who all had also received the photos) laughing at me . . .

Wow, I may never recover from that email. I'll certainly not let my sister forget it . . .

And The Forcast For Tomorrow Is...

Holy crap it was hot today, and I know that its just beginning . . . What is it with this summer stuff? Why the hell is it so popular again? Hey, I like the sun, I just don't want to live there, you know? And if I hear one more person bitch about it being too cold at our office I swear I am going to offer them my boxers to use as a blanket. Jesus!

And why the hell can't any of those jackasses on TV just admit that we have two types of days from June to August? Hot and wet, and hot and dry. If it's going to be in the 50's, call it cool, otherwise figure its either hot/wet or hot/dry. Saying there is a 30% chance of rain means exactly one thing... You have no clue. I heard on the radio years ago a DJ said that means if 100 things fall from the sky today that 30 of them would be wet . . . I liked that . . .

Only thing we have going for us is this is a busy time of year. I always say it takes forever to get to my birthday, then the next week is the fourth of July, and two weeks later it's Thanksgiving! At least it seems that way, LOL...

Supposedly today was going tobe the hottest day this week. I'll believe that when I see it . . . I hate the heat. Only good thing about summer is the roads and walkways aren't slick, and you don't have to shovel rain.

Time for a new "brilliant" idea . . .

Some people really close to me (that have known me for a long time) would remember the genius idea I had in the late 1980's about fortified beer. I figured people love beer. People swarmed to "light" beers when they were introduced because of the way you could still enjoy beer with far fewer calories than a regular beer, hince they were "better for you." Probably over 90% of the beer I have consumed in my life has been a form of light beer. Back in about 1988 I began to ponder what the next logical step would be in making drinking beer more healthy, and possibly more popular. My idea was FORTIFIED BEER. Light beer that is fortified with nine essential vitamins and iron, and possibly some caffeine. I figured, if you have a choice of good tasting beers all in a similar price range, and one of them is fortified with 9 essential vitamins and iron, wouldn't you pick it? I think with the way society is if it was marketed right it would sell a gazillion barrels of suds annually!

Anyway, Anheuser Busch has done such a thing with the introduction of BE (the "E" is like an exponent) - BE combines beer made with caffeine, ginseng and guarana with select hops and aromas of blackberry, raspberry and cherry, making a lightly sweet and tart tasting beer that contains healthy vitamins and nutrients included in many energy drinks – I haven't tasted it yet, but I will. And I am sure when I do, it will be bittersweet . . .

So now that I sat on that idea long enough for someone else to capitalize on it, it is time for another moment of genius . . .
Since everyone in society is concerned with obesity and weight, and it seems there is no "magic pill" available for weight loss or metabolism (although there are MANY products that claim it), why don't they look in a different direction. What about a pill that changes your perception of the foods that are most bad for you? One that changes the way foods taste and smell. Like the higher the fat or sugar content of a food, the more bitter or "tainted" it will taste, and some foods will just be unbearable. Also, the more you eat of ANY food, the less desirable it would become. No ill side effects, no intestinal problems, just most "unhealthy" foods would be much less attractive to the eater. Meanwhile, vegetables, most fruits and fiber foods would taste fine, as long as they were eaten in moderation . . .

Not a "magic pill," just a pill that reduces your "attraction" to comfort foods. . . What do you think? I realize it may not be fortified beer, but I still think I may have something here!

Remembering when "Mijo" meant "my son" . . .

It takes a big man to admit to doing something he isn't proud of. Something that people who know me would be shocked by. Something that goes against most people's estimation of me. Last night it was booze, violence, corruption, loose women . . . Yes, I admit it . . . I was up till 2:30AM last night watching the 1989 movie "Roadhouse." Not that I hadn't seen the movie before. (Possibly a few times) But when it came on at 12:30AM, I decided it was time to burn two extra hours of my life watching Patrick Swayze be a bouncer in a small corrupt Missouri town. Of course the one redeeming quality of the movie was Jeff Healey playing some wicked slide guitar and covering some excellent rock classics. An amazing musician. Sam Elliott played Wade Garrett, Swayze's mentor and old friend from previous bar bouncing gigs. He refers to Swayze as "mijo," which I always thought was totally cool and one of the things that stuck with me long after I saw the movie. In Spanish, Mijo (pronounced meehoe) is a conjunction of mi hijo (mee eehoe) meaning "my son."

Of course I got to thinking about how the term "mijo" has evolved since the movie. Now days it is still pronounced the same, but the spelling and definition have changed considerably. This is true with so many things now days. When somebody refers to Me Ho, they are now referring to the bitch that gets them their 40's and lottery tickets on her way home from the last trick (or job, depending on how evolved they are as a couple) . . . (Still prounced meehoe, but meaning something completely different)

This lead me to contemplate all the things that have changed since 1989 when that movie was mad, and how fun it would be to see an updated version . . .

Anyway, admit it. You would have stayed up too if you knew it was on . . . And you have seen it more than once. And you too thought Sam Elliott was a badass . . . Maybe even wanted to be like him . . . Admit it!!!!

Daily Positive Affirmations

- I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
- I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
- I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
- I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
- Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
- The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
- All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts
- Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
- I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
- I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
- I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
- I can change any thought that hurts, into a reality that hurts even more.
- My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
- A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.

Press ONE for Kiss My Ass

So is it just me or are you tired of pressing ANYTHING to get something spoken to you in ENGLISH? I believe America is the "land of opportunity" and all that yap, but hey, we speak English here, jackass, and if your life's passion is to deal with me in any way, shape or form, LEARN MY FUCKING LANGUAGE! And while on that subject, who the hell is hiring the mouth breathers and (for lack of a more appropriate term) non-English speaking folks and putting them in charge of customer service? Who at your big ass company saw this as a productive move? I know, once you have us roped in you can subject us to whatever demons you wish, correct? What about fast food chains? They aren't much better. Jeez, do you have to put Skippy with his fresh tongue piercing in charge of the speaker in the drive thru?

George Carlin's Seven Words, Weekends, The Beard...

George Carlin made "seven words you can't say on television" famous in the 1970's. Just so we are clear, I use those words, and then some, in my life as well as right here on this blog. I assure you that this blog will NOT be for everyone and isn't for the faint of heart, and the more liberal your leanings the less you will like it either.

That being said, any big wussies can stop reading here. And piss off.

Well, I made it to another weekend, and to another paycheck.

Oh the joys of life. I just received the new beard groomer I ordered in the mail, so I will spend the weekend charging it and plowing the field on my fucking face before Monday. I waited about a week too long to groom this time (I like to do the all over trimming about twice a month unless we are going out somewhere) and when I went to groom realized my existing groomer had shot craps on me, so began the search for another, better, stronger, faster unit to do business with in the future. Not just any groomer, mind you. These beard things don't take care of themselves, jackass! People think its easier than shaving have no clue. Maybe if you don't mind looking like Lucan the Wolf Boy or that one fucker from the Oak Ridge Boys... Remember him? I think he was the second one from the right. I prefer short and smooth (not Miami Vice, thanks) but still have to shave my upper face and neck, and shape the edges of the beard so it is all nice and stuff. Right now I am bordering on looking a bit like ol' Sadam when they found him in the hole.

I have had my beard steady since October of 1983. Do you even remember what YOU were doing then? I have came very close to shaving it only twice really, and not at all in over 10 years. It is kind of part of me now, you know? Like being big, pale and slow isn't sexy enough, I have to add the destinction of facial hair.

Jim

Welcome! Well, this won't be for everyone...

TGIF

Hello, and welcome to Touch Too Much. If you are reading this, God bless you. I am starting this as a way to share my ramblings (sometimes rantings) and to have the opportunity to spread some TRUTH out there in the vast universe of deception.

So why the name? Well, anyone who knows mw well knows of my dedication to the band AC/DC. Since 1978 when I first saw them on the "Midnight Special" I have been hooked. Their album, "Powerage" was my first, having seen them perform "Sin City" that night on the show. In 1979 they released "Highway to Hell" just prior to my senior year of high school. I was hooked. They were salvation from disco. Raunchy, blues based straight ahead rock and roll. That new album contained many songs that to this day take me back to that time when I was cruising around town in my 1970 Barracuda, blasting the 8-track with the windows down. "Touch Too Much" was one of my particular favorites, along with "Shot Down In Flames" and of course the title track, "Highway To Hell."

Anyway, that phrase, "touch too much" refers to something being too much to handle or more than you bargained for, and so many times in life that is how things end up, so I liked it for the name of my blog. Is this already more info than you wanted? Then you best turn back now, because I can ramble with the best of them!

I am getting ready to head to the office, but I assure you I will update often. Please always feel free to post comments.

Have an above average day!