I can now TOTALLY understand how people (especially people in the public eye like athletes and music/movie/television stars) can get hooked on medications for pain. I have been suffering for six months with knee (and some back) pain that has been at times just unbarable. I have missed work, worked shorter days, missed almost all social invitations, and even turned away freelance work I can do at home on some occasions. I have taken prescription strength ibuprofen for several years just to get through regular days. In the past I have used Vicodin/Hydrocodone, Lidocaine and other pain meds at one point or another (including Bextra, Vioxx, Ultram, Tramidol and others) to seek relief.
I do everything I can now to just live with the pain and stick to the ibuprofen. I keep vicodin around for the really bad times. Problem is by the time I hurt that much, sometimes it feels like nothing helps. Thankfully, I have a very understanding wife, family, set of friends, and co-workers. All seem supportive and understanding of my bad situation. But what about these people who are expected to perform at a high level, day in and day out, and do it for the world to see on television?
I know what it is like to wake up after an eight hour sleep and hurt before I get out of bed. Then it hurts so much to stand up that I need to sit down again for a moment at the end of the bed to gather myself a bit before I can walk into the bathroom. I am talking PAIN. And in general, I can handle more pain that the average guy could ever dream of! I can't imagine if I had 50,000 people coming to see me perform who had planned their day, their weekend, their whole vacation or whatever around me being able to show up and perform as well as I always have, and not realizing what I am going through physically.
I never used to feel for those people. I do now. I truly wish that the human body had an external pain-o-meter that showed how you REALLY felt no matter how you looked or acted, and that everyone could see and undertstand, "Oh wow, his pain level is at a NINE again today, poor guy." I can't imagine being a quarterback or a lead singer of a touring band or a television star with a 14 hour a day shooting schedule and having to deal with the pain I am feeling. I am not kidding, I can see why people pop vicodins like they are fucking Pez and why they have doctors shoot them so full of anything else they can get their hands on to get them through their next performance.
Do I like it? No. Do I understand how it could happen? I sure do now. I won't even leave the house until I know that my wife and I both have pain meds available in case we need extra. Do I hate it? YES. Do I feel addicted? Not really, but only because I don't feel 100% relief when using the drugs. It isn't like being able to get so high and numb your problems smooth away for a while . . . We are talking more like ibuprofen is like peeing on an blazing fire and the vicodin is more like having a bucket to battle an inferno. But for people who are in supreme condition that have an injury that a painkiller like vicodin really will help them deal with their pain enough that they can still perform . . . I can totally understand how they would get dependant on it.
Addiction is the wrong word many times because it says "abuse." A diabetic taking insulin each day isn't considered an addict. Now shooting insulin in bulk because you like the rush is a different story. All I am saying is, I never understood it before. I never thought about it. I do think about it now. I feel for them. If I had the expectations put on me that many people in the public eye have, I'd be screwed. This knee pain has almost wrecked my life. If it weren't for a lot of love from almost everyone I am in contact with, I would be a complete wreck. And I mean wreck. I don't remember the last time I enjoyed anything for more than 45 minutes. I can't sit, stand, walk or lay down in one position very long before I start hurting.
Anyway, if you took the time to read this, thanks. I ask that you think about it before you knock someone who is hurting. It isn't fun, and it doesn't always show on their outside. And for those people close to me, thank you for the love. I know we are on the right track, and I will find a way to make things better.
