A SPORK! My Kingdom for a SPORK!

Oh man today was a bitch. The hunger really worked on me this afternoon. I try to wait as long as I can before I partake in any on my few fucking lunch items, so that I don't suck them down and then have to agonize for six hours before I get some sort of liquid or gruel for "supper." And the germ freak I am, I bring plastic utensils from home (I keep a stash in my desk) to eat with. Well, when I was finally ready to colapse, I busted out my winky (which is a hysterical inside joke now, because this is the name of the off brand sugar free jello that my friend Fay (God bless that girl) found for me to eat) and I carefully peeled the lid off (I have perfected the method of opening single packs of sugar free jello AND sugar free pudding without tearing that damned foil top they have on them) and then I of course lick the residue off the lid (including the part stuck to the adhesive on the foil) before digging in. I reached into my drawer only to find NO SPORK!!! DAMNIT!!! Not a spoon, fork, knife, nothing. I was frantic . . . I began cursing and throwing drawers open and closed, and stood up as if I was going to shout at the ceiling to curse the Lord himself when a neighbor noticed the commotion and offered assistance. They had a brand new (hence working within my germ paranoia parameters) box of forks and allowed me to have one. This extreme favor of fork salvation came in handy for that same coworker later today when they thought it would be funny to sneak up behind me and set a stuffed animal critter on my shoulder to surprise and/or startle me. I almost flung animal and coworker over the wall of my cubicle, and did proceed to bitch out the person and tell them they would want to back the hell off, and refrain from scare tactics with me again as they may not be lucky next time. I explained that this person (not mentioning names, but coworkers can probably guess anyway) might live longer and with their head maintaining proper positioning if they surprise others instead of me in the future, at least until I get this liquid diet finished.

So anyway, I enjoyed two jello cups and two pudding cups and an Atkins shake today for my lunch/afternoon snack. Yummy. A lady commented about my ability to lick the jello out of the bottom of the cup, and I told her that I always knew I'd find alternative uses for my tongue someday, and this was another one, LOL . . . She was impressed. Hey, when you are starving, you will amaze yourself at your resourcefulness. I was in more pain this afternoon than I had all weekend, but I attribute some of that to running around more and not being able to relax whenever I want and such. But my 6PM I was hurting. I am still hoping to stick it out at the office until Friday, April 6th. It makes the days go faster, and I like being productive.

So anyway, today is day 9 of liquids, with 15 more to go prior to surgery. I will have some days of it after surgery, but I will be so relieved by then that I doubt I mind it as much. Plus I will be full faster and hungry less often. All good things. Either way, I am sticking this out, and I am going to succeed with it. I have a lot of goals, and a lot of reasons to do this.

If I can do this, I can do anything . . .

Well, Friday I spent the day at University of Illinois Chicago Hospital getting all my final approval for my surgery on Tuesday, April 10th. I have been on a liquid diet since last Sunday night, and have had a rough week physically. I am dealing with the hunger fairly well, its the fatigue and lack of energy that is killing me. That and the fact that I am peeing so often and so much that it is also exhausting. (Like geting up 4 or 5 times in the night even!) And I am not talking tinkle either, I am talking gully washer! Holy shit its tiring. I am averaging around 700 calories a day, which is not very much . . . I am fairly short triggered anyway, so now I am more like a fucking mine field. You don't know which mine you'll step on, I may laugh, may cry, or may just bitch and moan about something. But I must say, the Amazing Super Prick (my new superhero name) that lives deep inside me has reared his head a few times already! Watch out!

Hey, thank God I have a sense of humor. I am serious. If anybody ever doubted that, let me tell you, I am GOOD. If I don't develop a standup routine out of the whole things I have been through I am missing the boat. So many situations that I think most people would truly give up over, I just take in stride, laugh about it, and walk on. (Slowly, but getting faster!) I couldn't do it without the constant support I have had. Those closest to me know who they are, and I love them for it. I am going to do this thing. I will blog or email updates when I can. But its pretty much me and the liquids for the next two weeks . . . Oh and did I mention they want to take my pain medication away for ten days prior to surgery? LOL . . . See, it just keeps getting funny, right?

Liquid Day 1 Results

Holy shit this sucks. Oh my God. A month of this, oh crap. I am tired, hungry, cranky and surprisingly gassy. Why? Not sure. Nothing in there I guess. I said before it was "do it or die trying" well this is it, its gonna kill me. Hey, wasn't doesn't kill me makes me stronger, right? I am going to be one strong mother fucker when I get through this. I'm not as much hungry as I am tired, fatigued and sick of peeing like a race horse. And I mean often too. WTF?

Seriously, I am not only well under 1000 calories a day, but there are no solids either. Nothing. Closest thing is YOGURT. Great. Fucking yogurt. In advance, I am sorry to all those close to me in the next month. I will do my best to confine my bitterness when I can. But doing it all day at the office is taxing enough, to try at home also might just make me snap. Thankfully, I am so far dealing with the hunger part alright. I can drink coffee, tea, diet soda and water, so I can stay fairly filled up, but that is why I am PEEING like Old Faithful on BARRY BONDS' STEROIDS.

I am now over 24 hours into it, and going strong. (Pee reference) In fact, if you are reading this or talking to me and I say something that MIGHT seem like a PEEING reference, IT IS. Pissing for distance here . . . In a normal night I might get up to go the bathroom once, sometimes not at all. Last night? FOUR TIMES. FOUR! I will try to limit my fluids tonight before bedtime, but I honestly didn't think I had that much last night. I am really hoping this levels out and becomes more routine. Right now, not so much.

My Next UIC Hospital Visit

Well I confirmed today that my final followup at University of Illinois-Chicago Hospital is next Friday, March 23 at 2PM. I will meet with the surgeon, Dr.Galvani, and with the Doctor in charge of me anesthesia (sp?) and get my final clearance and a surgery date. Tenative dates are April 10 or April 24. The surgeon is out of town the week in between and wants to be in town for my hospital recovery before his leaving town. They may decide to make me wait till he comes back. I respect him and appreciate his wanting to be here for me. They have been super to deal with. There is one nurse in particular who has been my champion throughout this process, her name is Maryann Holtcamp. She has been wonderful to me, and is in contact with me almost daily via email letting me know what they are doing to get me further along, and helping me accomplish the many things that have needed to be done to make this all happen.

Two and a Half Steps Closer...

What a fucking long day today was. I took the day off work because I had three separate tests scheduled at three separate locations throughout the suburbs. My mother-in-law took the day off work also because my father-in-law had eye surgery first thing this morning. So after she got him settled in at home, she headed to my place to begin the trek with me this afternoon. These are pre-op tests required to get clearance for surgery. The first was an EKG and evaluation from cardiovascular specialist. This test was only mildly uncomfortable, and didn't take long at all, which was nice. The doc was very pleased with my ticker, and gave me his blessing to continue in my pursuit of the surgery. Upon leaving there we headed to High-Tech Medical Park in Palos Heights, and proceeded to miss the turnoff and go WAY too far west of town, which had us about a 1/2 hour longer on the road than needed. But upon arrival at High-Tech, things went fairly well. Once they located my referral, (don't get me started on HMOs!) the X-rays went fairly well. Six shots, only one double take, and only waited about 20 minutes for a "walk in service" appointment. So, all in all, success. I stopped in their restroom because I hadn't been since I got dressed mid day and was dying to go by then! Okay, so the way I had the afternoon scheduled, we had three hours to get all this done. My first appointment was at 3PM and my final labwork was at my regular doctor's office which closed at 6PM. It was now 5:15 and we were headed to Homer Glen to my doctor's office. We got there at 5:37 and I motored in and signed in at 5:43. They took 4 or 5 tubes of blood with only two sticks. My arm didn't work so they went for my hand. The hand hurts more, but it always works for me so I send them there to speed things up. I hadn't drank anything all afternoon, which makes your veins harder to find. Then they surprised me by wanting a urine sample! I was like, well, I haven't drank all afternoon and I just went, but I'll see what I can do! So with some acrobatics I accomplished that as well.
Man, did I feel virtuous when I reappeared outside the doctor's office at 6:03PM, within 3 minutes of perfect according to our plans. Then when I got home the nurse called and said they realized they had told me I didn't need to fast prior to the bloodwork and now they realized two of the tests would require a fast. Needless to say I wasn't thrilled. The only thing is I would probably have needed one more set of labs prior to surgery anyway, or at least thats what the doc's office tried to sell me tonight.
So that bullshit kept it from being a perfect doctor day, but all in all it was still good. Now I hope by the end of the week to have my final appointment scheduled at UIC Hospital, and from there a DATE for the surgery and ALL SYSTEMS ARE GO.
I want to take this chance again to sing the praises of the people who are supporting me most. Especially my in-laws, Paul and Sally, who provide my transportation and a lot of emotional support. but my friends and family too, for all the love and support. We are going to do this thing. Plan on it!

Regarding my upcoming bariatric surgery . . .

Well, if you know this blog exists it is because you are close enough to me that you would be interested in this information. Thank you all for being as supportive of me as you have been. I will do the best I can to keep you informed ahead of time what I am doing, and of any progress made during all this.

Well, I am inching closer to completion . . . I am waiting now for a referral from my regular doctor to a cardiac specialist to get a "cardiac clearance" evaluation prior to surgery. I have to call the referral nurse back tonight as the original doctor they referred can't see me until late May, and that is nowhere near the timeframe we want this to happen in. I will be getting a chest x-ray and an EKG and some lab work done. These results will then be sent to the specialists at University of Illinois Chicago for their review. If those are passed, then my appointment will be scheduled to meet the anesthesiologist at UIC prior to my surgery, and then a final followup with the surgical team.

If all goes well, we are hoping for surgery in early April. It depends partly on how fast we can get the tests done. I will need to be on a liquid diet for 4 weeks following the evaulations at UIC and prior to surgery. Then they think about 4-5 days in the hospital and roughly 4 weeks or so at home afterward for recovery.

I will send updates as things get accomplished. I plan on working right up to surgery date if at all possible, unless the liquid diet puts too much strain on my system after a couple weeks. I did it for 11 days in 2005 when I got close to surgery before, and only ill effects was I was just a little cranky. (If you can imagine that from me . . . )

My sister Pam will be staying with me a few days after I return home to make sure I get around okay on my own. She isn't used to having satellite TV, Tivo, an Apple MacBook laptop, wireless internet or grocery delivery, so this will seem like Club Med to her. (Accept for the putting up with my cranky ass part, LOL) Seriously, I am thankful she has signed on for as long as it takes to get me up and running again. I am hopeful it will be a week or less, and maybe we can have some fun time to visit and catch up. Hopefully I'll get to treat her to a couple area specialties like a Portillo's hot dog and a Chicago Style pizza. Of course, I won't get any at that time, but I don't care. I'll just be glad to have this done finally. I have wanted it over 5 years.

Thanks for being supportive. I am determined to make this happen this time. I am anxious and affraid all at the same time. But I know I am doing the right thing. I will keep you posted.

Just so you don't forget . . . For the record, if you are reading this, it's because I love you :o)

TGIT?

Well, Thursday night is almost Friday, right? Thank God! LOL

I am relaxing tonight watching the new Jeff Foxworthy show "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" and it is pretty funny. I have to say I know more questions than the dumbasses he has on the show, but in general these questions are difficult, because it is stuff that IF I was taught them it was like a million years (and dead brain cells) ago. It is still funny. Makes you feel like a moron. (Not something I am used to!) Well, I am inching toward my bariatric surgery, with a referral to a cardiac specialist for clearance to have a surgery up next. Then it will be a followup with my surgical team and the anesthesiolist. (Not sure on that spelling) If I get clearance we are probably looking around the first or second week of April, or at least I hope that soon. I will probably miss around 4 weeks of work, give or take depending on healing and such.

My spirits are about as good as they can be lately. I am so thankful I have so many people rooting for me. Of course that being said, I feel great a responsibility to succeed because so many people are watching and depending on me. Sometimes I wish only I knew what was going on, because I am not real big on talking about it. I will do what I can to open up some here, and then will occaisionally edit these posts and put them into an email for other friends who do not know about this blog.

If you are reading this, comment every once in a while. I could use then input and encouragment. I need all the love I can get right now, as it helps keep me strong and keep me focused on my goals. Now bring on that damn Friday, and that weekend!