I Am King (of My Cubicle)

In a work setting, nothing is funnier to me than watching, listening to or hearing about someone who gets an essentially meaningless title and then decides that all of a sudden they are the all-seeing master of time, space and dimension. I'm like, "hey, wait a second, dick cheese, aren't you pretty much just the king of your own little cubicle? WELL? I mean seriously, who reports to you? No matter how many mind-numbing emails or memos you send out to the masses (I curse the moron who gave today's king" the ability to send multiple addressees a single email) have you found anyone yet who gives a shit?

Well, listen up. I work in MY CUBICLE. I am KING of THIS CUBICLE. When you come up with a better way to do the ACTUAL WORK I have to get done, stop by, hold your hand out, and I will GIVE YOU A STACK OF IT. Until then, do not enter my dance space. Seriously, you can't go Pope-ing on people who aren't even Catholics, they just don't care. And if it wasn't the place where they make their bread and butter, you'd probably be able to wear your ass as a hat.

I have a message for useless leadership everywhere. I am not just King of my cubicle, I am the King of my world. And as much as my world sucks sometimes, nobody could run it as well as I do. If you were in my shoes, you wouldn't be able to get dressed in the morning, much less do all the things I do. I have as much or more education, as much or more experience, and as much or more talent as you, your boss, and probably their boss. I am pretty fucking important in my world. You aren't. I am not a pretender. I am not an ass kisser. I am not a do gooder. I am not sorry. Don't ever step outside of your cubicle and think you are King of anywhere or anything else. You just create bitterness, and look like an ass. Well, at least you are excellent at that.